when I get tired, I don’t write very much

tired isn’t the kind of tired you feel after a hard day’s work

it’s deeper than that

I read an article that described trauma as something that can’t really be written, can’t be comprehended in that medium

and I’m not saying I’m traumatized, but depression is definitely in that same plane

of being incomprehensible through words

and I’ve noticed that, too

depression is described using metaphors

using colors and other feelings

but I can’t even really explain it to myself

because I don’t understand it

I don’t understand why I feel like I’m just living in anticipation of when I can close my eyes and fall asleep in the middle of the day

and at night, every night, I listen to Chris fall asleep

and just lie awake

I’m doing better

I’m getting to class, doing homework, writing for work, going to the store

and questioning if that’s all I can hope to get to

if that’s my limit

because I still feel so tired

is feeling happy too much to expect?

I’m not asking it out of self-pity

it’s a serious question

does feeling happy really just take too much work? 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s