So I’ve started hearing voices.
To be official sounding, I am experiencing auditory hallucinations during episodes of sleep paralysis.
It started on Saturday. It sounded like doors were creaking open and people were talking downstairs. It was especially startling because I know the difference between remembering a voice, so it sounds like it’s coming from inside your head, and actually hearing a voice, from outside. I also couldn’t move. I had a cat sitting on me so I watched her ears to confirm that there were not actual voices.
Then again yesterday. Three male voices. They came in from the apartment door, young men, with no real agenda. They came and stood in the bedroom. Just stood there. I could tell that one lay on the bed and laughed when I reached out to poke him, to see if he was real. It felt real. Solid. I knew I was dreaming but I wasn’t sure how deeply. The fear that maybe this time it was real wouldn’t go away.
This is obviously extremely stressful. And it’s new. Newness is exhausting. It’s already enough to deal with the normal depression and anxiety I know, but THIS. This is not something I expected.