There are two types of anchors that water vessels use – temporary and permanent. Temporary anchors are the type we usually see in movies, where the sailors are frequently moving the anchor up and down, usually dripping with seaweed and decorated in clam shells. Permanent anchors are rarely moved and are used because they have stronger hold and don’t hurt the ocean environment as much as temporary anchors do. They hold the ship through all kinds of weather, including terrible storms.
Permanent anchors come in various styles, some are shaped like mushrooms and others are just heavy blocks with chains. The type of seabed (soft sand, coarse rock, etc) determines which type of anchor is best.
I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday and she put me back on on the anxiety medication I used about a year ago. Instead of taking as needed, which I was doing before, she told me to take one half twice a day before moving up to two tablets a day. A temporary anchor just isn’t enough to keep this ship from drifting.
When it came time to go to bed, I took my first half dose. The effect was oddly instant. I felt safe in the bed; the covers didn’t feel clingy and strangling like they usually do. I felt a comfortable weight in my chest where usually there’s a manic butterfly that keeps banging up against my ribcage. It was like there was a tiny anchor rooting me down into my body, keeping me present, calming my thoughts.
I’ve been fascinated by anchors for a while now; they make frequent appearances in my art. I’ve been searching for a way to ground myself, to become stable. Anxiety and depression is like being on an out-of-control Ferris wheel because there are so many highs and lows. Right now, getting back on anxiety meds is a permanent anchor. There will be other anchors as the seabed of my life shifts so it’s best for me to keep an eye on the ocean horizon.